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I was having a conversation with my husband about how we are both very self-critical and how it affects everything we do. My husband is at college, as you all know, re-training to be a bricky and he always puts down his work and hates if he gets a pass on his work. There are 3 levels of marking, pass, merit and distinction. He's only ever got one pass and the rest of his work has been merit and distinction. He took pictures of his work and showed me what he'd been doing. I was so shocked at how amazing his work is because he always says he's not happy with it or could be better. I don't know what I was expecting but I was seriously impressed. I'm the same with my writing, I never give myself credit for my accomplishments. Sure I get excited when something has been accepted for publication but then when it's in print I play it down like I'm almost embarrassed. It's a weird feeling.
I realised why we both do this. It comes from the school grading system, our surroundings growing up and accepting what is given as an adult.
As we all know, school grading tells us how intelligent we are or are not, literally cementing into our brains our competence as a person and what will become our mindset as we grow. This is called intellectual brainwashing. Life lesson 1 complete.
Our surroundings, when growing up, can affect our expectations of what work we will be doing in the future. I come from a working-class background and working is the operative word. We are the workers of society doing the low skilled manual jobs for the least amount of money. Factory work, cleaning, cooking and shop staff was, as a young adult in a careers advice lesson, what my future looked like. This is called pigeon holing. Life lesson 2 complete.
Before minimum wage came into practice, as a 17-year old I was working for £2.40 p/h for 70 hours a week and I was happy about it because I needed the money. So there I was, being grateful for an absolute pittance. This is called mental self-worth imprisonment. Life lesson 3 complete.
Of course, as a parent, you always want better for your children but with all these lessons set in place that I have had injected into my brain from a young age, I find myself repeating these terrible lessons.
For example, the kids and I were talking about working whilst travelling the world and the type of jobs you can do to make this a possibility. Do you know what I suggested? I suggested working in the kitchens or behind a bar on a ship or being cabin crew on a plane.
Now, don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong in doing those jobs and I'm definitely not a working-class snob, but later on, I sat and I questioned, why didn't I suggest being a pilot or captain?
Really, why didn't I say that?! I can't believe I was guilty of passing on this social conditioning. I was so angry with myself and have vowed to never do this again.
We have to be so careful about what we say to our children. 21st-century kids are the most delicate of all generation. With so much anxiety and uncertainty of the world, fake lifestyles drowning the internet, the belief that things come easy and relationships are little more than a swipe on a screen, us as parents have to tread extraordinarily carefully, practically walking with metal detectors to avoid the IEDs of childhood issues in today's society.
So if you think you could be in danger of passing on this same cycle of brainwashed social conditioning, take a moment and re-arrange the words you are about to say when talking with your kids. It's very easy to miss those opportunities and accidently end up steering them into a future you didn't want for them.