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It's certainly been stressful in the Tribs household for almost a year now of continuous disappointments and upset. Hoping things will work out (which they don't) and trying to do the best we can in the mean time. All aspects of life have been affected but I'm most saddened that it affects the kids. Telling them "no we can't" or "maybe soon". I know material things are just things and time and love are more important than anything, I'm not denying that at all. But with promising a life of travelling around and then it being ripped away really kills me inside. Everytime we get past something it seems we are just awaiting the next train wreck. I've given up believing that the news we are waiting for will be positive. We make a plan and just say, "ok, well now that's done we can just move onto this" thinking it will work out as planned but it doesn't. Then we have to think of something else and try again. I've really had enough of try try trying all the time. Being told no with every letter that comes through the post. I'm sick of it. I got really upset the other day and was in tears. I just felt that all the hopes and dreams we had for a new life are slipping away in front of us. I feel like the universe is saying "no! no! no! This is your deal! This is your life! Stop trying to get any further! I won't allow it!". But the worst thing is I hate myself for getting upset and afterwards I feel so pathetic and stupid, like a child that doesn't get what they want, and has a sulk about it. However, I've learnt alot from our situation. I've learnt that when things don't go as expected or planned that you can try to move forward, however hard it is there's always room for a new plan. I've learnt to be more resourceful with money and really think about what we actually need in our lives. Not just material things on a large scale, but what we once thought was neccessity turns out to be just luxuries. Do we really need to drive to the park? Do we really need that amount of fizz and treats? Do I really have to buy established plants instead of growing from seeds? No. No we don't. I've learnt that in times of need who is there for us and who cares about our troubles. Who offers advice or a chat on the phone to vent frustration with. I've learnt who asks how we're doing and how things are going and if they can do anything for us without expecting anything back. I've learnt to expected the unexpected and prepare for the worst. I've learnt that when we get back on our feet to start saving and not just take for granted that things will always be ok in terms of money. -It's funny how we pay for insurances for our family, appliances and tech yet we don't always secure ourselves for the present.- I've learnt that time goes by so quickly and to appreciate what's going on in the moment and what's actually important to spend time doing. I've learnt that you don't always need money. You can trade with things and skills. Give favour for favour. I've learnt to upcycle, repurpose, and reuse (more than I already did).
But best of all, our kids have seen how when things don't go how you expect, you have to adapt and move forward. Keep trying and accept change even when it seems like the hardest thing to do. These are probably the best life skill's I can teach them. Yes, it's sad to think that they have to grow up with the attitude of "Life's not fair" and "You don't always get what you want" but it's better than getting to young adult stage believing that everything will go as planned and then not knowing how to cope when it doesn't. I know we're not alone in the world for things not working out, (and I know there's alot worse going on in the world and how lucky we are in comparison) it's just really dragging out. But I have to be strong and do what has to be done to achieve our new plan. It's going to take a lot longer to live our dream but it will be worth all the hardships, struggles, tears, sulks and having to suck it up moments to get there. See you soon.